Monday, December 30, 2013

A poem

It was Lates Christmas time in the Police House and the prisoners were coming in fast

A barefooted man with issues was determined to make it his last.

Sergeant said 'constant watch it is' and officers tasked to sit by the door

The man sat and cried upon the cell bench and talked to the face in the floor.
The sergeants made calls in the bedlam as the drunks and the idiots rage

and still the vans lined up outside to fill up  the Custody cage   


They called for a health assessment but was told there was simply a catch

Only ‘one on’ and still dealing, covering a large area South of the patch.


The Duty Inspector rails at the lack of the numbers to give Night shift some hope

But its Bank Holiday staffing sir and the management say we can cope.


The appropriate adults are called as the juvenile smirks at their shame

But extended family aren’t bothered or answering so its Social Services again.


The interpreters wait to assist at length with our customers from over the seas

Bean counters will wince at the end of the year when they come to add up the fees.


Duty solicitors sit giving succor and advice as the evenings tales are retold

And some sit waiting in the cells thinking 'why didn’t I do as was told!'.


Some drunks still wanting to fight, bang and shout nonsense through the cell door

But exhaustion finally takes its toll and even themselves they eventually bore.

The numbers in the cage dwindles as the staff work their way through the queue

And leave the drunks and life's flotsam till Earlies, to sober up and await a review.


Another day in the Police House and it’ll start again very soon....just wait,

But we always keep it working ……….and maybe that’s our sad little fate!


To all those parading over Christmas and New Year…and all colleagues who continue to make the management in this organisation look good, week in and week out.....

Despite everything !!!

Take care and look after yourselves, family and friends.

Have a good 2014


Friday, December 20, 2013

Words fail

If anybody out there and I doubt there are many still believing that those of us , parading all shifts and dealing with the thankless job that we do, still have the judiciary applying basic common sense and watching our backs.... read the above.

I can see a dangerous precedent here.

'You should have knocked officer....I would have opened the door'

Yeah right....

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

A Festive thanks and an appeal

The Collage of  Polishing (CV merchants  and seat warmers welcomed ) would like to express its sincerest thanks to the current Government for its creation in these clearly defined austere times.

We recognise it has offered a refuge for the homeless and clearly bewildered who have found their lives put asunder in circumstances beyond their control when their ordered lives were set adrift by other policy. Those applications from ACPO and the NPIA are always welcome

Cast adrift they have been offered a lifeline and have been embraced by the Collage and its new management.

The Collages introduction will ensue the stating  of the 'f******g obvious' and the 'No s**t Sherlock' moments will continue as before.

Respected pollsters Makeit, Upasi, Goalong ( often used by senior politicians) have concluded the establishment of the  Collage will be welcomed by the troops on the ground.

Indeed we will be asking for contributions for its upkeep in the near future.

Thank you

and remember an unasked for Quango is for Life, not just for Christmas

Friday, December 06, 2013

Pharp!! Pharp !!!!



Police in Norfolk have advised the public to ignore people dressed as clowns after several unnerving sightings.

A member of the public contacted police after being spooked by a person wearing a full clown outfit with a red wig in Gaywood, near King’s Lynn.

Superintendent Carl Edwards said no one had been injured or assaulted, but advised that people ignore the clowns so as not to give them the attention they probably want.

"Firstly I’d like to stress that it isn’t against the law to dress up as a clown," he said.

"Nobody has been assaulted and it appears that the people involved are waiting for a passer-by to be startled by their appearance and run away, and then the clown runs after them for a short distance.

"We know there has been a lot of gossip and conversations about this on social media channels, not just in Norfolk, and it is important to gain a perspective on these incidents.

"We appreciate this can worry people, especially the young or elderly. The most effective way to behave if you are to see someone dressed up is to give no reaction – because that’s what they are after."

Bit of a downer advice wise, for the paying customers at ZIPPO'S current Christmas spectacular in Hyde Park's Winter Wonderland, but there you go.

‘It was that look in his eyes officer... as he came at me with a bucket of confetti!!!’

It is madness sometimes what people call police for.

I shouldn’t mock as there is a recognised phobia of clowns called Coulrophobia

There are some other interesting phobias out there

Fear of men is Androphobia

Fear of clocks is Chronomentrophobia

Fear of cooking is Mageirocophobia

Fear of speed is called Tachophobia

Fear of beautiful woman is called Venustraphobia

Fear of upsetting politicians is called the Police Federation of England and Wales

Monday, December 02, 2013

Glasgow Friday 22.25

Sunday, December 01, 2013

FED finally comes out....and

It was announced that there will be a creation of a committee during a reception at the House of Commons.


This material has a Buzzword warning indicator

However there will be NO warning of flash light photography as, quite frankly, I dont think anybody apart from the Constables Central Committee think its worth a jot.


'An advisory committee of former political and policing leaders will restore “healthy and productive communication” between the Police Federation and the government, it has been claimed.

The group, which will advise the staff association's Constables Central Committee (CCC) on current topics and issues relevant to policing, will be made up of former senior policing stakeholders who have “great credibility and a "proven track record in their field”.

The detail of who will sit on the committee and how it will work with the CCC are still being drawn up. It is understood that part of the members' role could include offering expert opinion on issues as well as raising awareness of relevant debates in Parliament.

Constables' Chairman Will Riches , said:


“Our aim is to ensure that regular, open and transparent dialogue is fostered with Parliamentarians, ensuring that there is no breakdown in dialogue and the trust required to underpin it.

“This advisory committee will comprise of former, senior policing stakeholders with great credibility and a proven track record in their field which everyone can have faith in.
“These people will guide us as we chart a course identifying achievable outcomes through these difficult and contentious times.”

Mr Riches said the committee would start the process of rebuilding trust between the Police Federation and Parliament, which had been “seriously dented” over the past year as a result of incidents such as Plebgate.

He added:


“We now need a productive dialogue focusing on how we manage to do more with less.
“There will be differences of opinion and different points of view which will challenge our perceptions but this can only be a good thing."

**** !!!!!!!! WARNING WARNNG WARNING !!!!!!!!!!! ****

"We need to hear from all sides, drive forward with reform and evolve as an organisation to best serve the changing needs of our communities.
“By sharing views and insights we can achieve a greater understanding of each other’s perspectives and take the first steps towards rebuilding healthy and productive channels of communication.”

Paul Davis  who is Deputy General Secretary of the CCC, said that the panel would provide external support and perspectives on issues as well as signposting debates in Parliament that could impact on policing.

The Reception was  attended by Policing Minister Damian Green, the Association of Chief Police Officers President Sir Hugh Orde and naturally Chairman Keith Vaz.

Mr Riches said the Federation had suffered significant reputational damage as a result of the Plebgate affair.

***Viewers discretion advised ***

Despite what appears to be quite clear open internal backstabbing of other FED members  NO colleague was physically injured during this.

“It’s a damning indictment of the current Federation structure that autonomous, unsanctioned actions of some can lead to a serious loss of confidence that affects the whole organisation,” he added.
“We must accept that last year’s meeting between Federation representatives and Mr Mitchell caused distrust, suspicion and negativity between the Police Federation, Parliament and the public.
“Whatever the reasons for this ambiguity we must agree that the whole sorry affair should never have happened and is totally regrettable.
“Let me be clear, it is only right and proper that if representatives for the Police Federation of England and Wales are finally shown to have mislead or misrepresented the details of the meeting then the Federation must take organisational responsibility and unreservedly apologise.”

The content from the above was drawn from an interview with Police Oracle


In my humble summary.......

CENTRAL FED just havent.....havent ....havent ...despite EVERYTHING  !!!!! it.

CCC ...You can schmooze all you want, engage in committees with our 'Parliamentarians'

Bottom line ........this Government says jump say how high.

And if it 'aint legal now they can change the rule book any time they want.

Wasters....the whole smug bunch of Leatherhead office warriors.

The only remaining respect I have for the FEDERATION  remains with my colleagues at METFED who are at least trying to address a number of issues for their members such as the DO IT RIGHT campaign.