Shom mishtake surely

I started reading through the back fill of E mail and assorted gumpf after a few days off and apparently the Met met have introduced 'podiums' and 'departure zones' down the West End as part of Op...er..something or other.

The Podiums are apparently raised platforms to assist us in making us more visible and able to observe and counter any criminal/asb activity in the crowds. Basically scaffolding with fluorescent jackets on top.

I say lets take it a stage further and make us all wear stilts and go on mobile patrol (single patrol of course)

I find that Departure Zones are an official tent arrangement in which those who have over dranketh from the cup of festivity will be offered advice, tea and a bus/rail time table.

Time was when the departure zone for a recalcitrant drunk who did not take a few 'on your way' seriously was being shown the losers gate at the local nick after a night sleeping it off in the cells.

I do genuinely despair.

Its so close to April Fools day that I wonder if its a big Met joke. If it is, you have got me because ..its just so believable of what we are now.

If Winsor doesn't get to me, the alcohol keeping me sane will

Missing

Any sightings are anxiously awaited by a (considerable) number of owners of a creature who often goes by the name of Pol Fed.

It is a nervous animal, avoids any serious confrontation and is quite happy to roll on its back and have its belly rubbed when told no.

It is known to regularly frequent the Surbiton area but has apparently recently been seen near some expensive restaurants near Westminster trying to rub up against the locals and get a sympathetic pat on the head.

Its owners fear for its welfare as its health has been in decline for some years.

It has no teeth and relies on its owners to keep it fed and watered.

Any information leading to its current whereabouts will be gratefully received.They have spent a considerable amount on its upkeep over the years and would like to know where this little creature is hiding out.

If located,the owners will have to assess its current condition.If it is as poorly as its owners believe it to be,it may be a consideration to put it out to pasture and try and find a younger ,more dynamic and reliable creature who can do what it was brought up to do...look after its owners.

Thank you in anticipation

Working for a safer London...are you sure?..

It's news like this that really lets you know where you sit in life's 'expendables league' As police we must be aiming for champions league qualification at the moment.Magdi Elgizouli,the killer of Nina Mackay,has been deemed fit by the medical establishment to join society again.However this individual (diagnosed as having a pathological hatred of police) is to be placed in an area that has less visible officers around ....just in case.

The problem is what happens when he does come to notice again.

And he will.....

As we all know,care and supervision of the mentally ill in the community has an enviable track record...and when he does its probably just one poor soul on single patrol attending a disturbance call...

Still, a pathological hated of police is clearly no bar to walking London's streets.When you think about it there is a number working out of the palace of Westminster at the moment.