Flatpacks,flashbacks and getting a job done

I spent a good slice of the Saturday of my weekend off putting together a piece of IKEA furniture.I have delved into the magic that is IKEA flat pack furniture on several occasions and had come prepared.
I had, to hand, a good ratchet screwdriver with assorted bits,a small tub of wood glue, a mixture of odd spare screws and essentially the Collins book of Anglo Saxon swearwords when I was occasionally looking for a bit of variety at my lowest moments.

It did take me longer than anticipated but eventually it all came together.

I think it might have been the mixture of stewed tea and wood glue fumes but it all started to remind me of a recent Aid I had been on.

The OP order was pretty much like the instructions and diagram you get with the flat pack. It obviously meant something to the person who wrote it but didn't make much sense to anyone else.It had detail in abundance, times, venues..down to the call signs of and radio channels used by units I had never heard of. But like a lot of the bits that came with the flat pack there always seems to be a bit missing.
Unfortunately the bit missing was what we were actually supposed to do to make our end of it work.

A uniformed inspector did turn up at some point to peruse our array of confused faces.

I realised as I looked at him that I was getting very much past it in the age stakes. He looked so young and fresh faced with a uniform that didn't quite seem to fit that I thought he may be part of some Youth 'be an Inspector for the day'Scheme.
However I realised he was likely to go far when he parried our questions with phrases like 'you need to work together to define the details' and he was there to provide 'overall administrative support'

Like any other time in the job we all shrugged,sat down amongst ourselves, came up with a working plan and got on with it.

Which made me think again about this job and flat pack furniture.. you can carefully package and write about something all you like but you only get it to function if you get hands on and work at it for an end result..

Which is what the rank and file do in this organisation everyday....

Blues and chews.....

The Daily Mail seems to have far too many pages to fill these days.

Its well gone Midnight and you are catching up on some paperwork.That comfort choc is at hand.If you are working a busy Late Late or a Night shift then sometimes only a choc bar will do to keep you going (My personal late shift sugar rush is a Crunchie bar dipped in a hot cup of tea)and you find yourself called to a fight outside a club.
You turn up and actually its not a fight but an airhead Z lister having a spat with another clubber.You step in and deal,like a thousand other times we deal with idiots across this capital over 24 hours.

Then you find yourself near to a full page spread in the Mail.

I don't know who you are officer but take no notice of the sneery hack who wrote the article and the 'razzi' who's only skill is to stand outside a drinking establishment with a camera for hours with a hope of some form of picture...

You are out there, early hours, dealing with useless wasters..

Enjoy your Twix.

A bridge too fur...

According to this article as our Europeanisation continues we are now buying in hairy land sharks from over the Channel.I find it hard to believe we cant produce sufficient on our own shores but I am sure there is a lovingly prepared report by some well paid procurement advisor somewhere arguing cost efficiency.

The second paragraph of the article made me laugh. It conjured up this image of a scene in some Derbyshire court as Derbyshire police ended up glaring across the dock at a team of Berlin police dogs whilst a pair of well paid counsel argue over points of paw.( yeah OK but couldn't resist that one)

This article read like a spoof but sadly it may well be true that they had to teach the handlers to speak a few phrases to make themselves understood to the dogs they employ.
You can imagine the scene.. suspects on...area contained.. await arrival of Dog unit.. and interpreter.
Sadly I think the enthusiasm of the imported dogs may well be blunted as they adapt to our sharing,caring Police Service ways.
Indeed the Derbyshire dog handler may well be right when the dog looks surprised when he says 'let go' since some forces are so worried about the dogs actually biting some miscreant.

I hope disillusionment doesn't set in too early and at some point in the next few years we hear stories of ex-police dogs desperately trying to get back over the Channel so they can be allowed to do what they were trained to do.

It's behind me .Hooray!

I hate New Year.

I was deftly out manoeuvred by my seasoned peers and found myself having to cover at another station over the New Year 'Celebrations'

This time of year always reminds me of the Panto season. We always seem to get the stock characters brought through the players entrance.

There was Prince Charming. He had walked down a line of young ladies waiting to get into a club and had grabbed at what he could. He took exception to one of the girls pushing him off and he had punched her.He lost Round 2 to the officer who saw this and was dragged in.

We had Cinderella. She had lost both her shoes around midnight and ended up getting arrested as she was continually abusive to her 'coach' driver(aka mini-cab)and the officers who tried to help.
The ugly sisters turned up later at the front counter and were giving the reception staff grief demanding she be released.

A notable mention was Jack. His particular Beanstalk was climbing on pedestrian barriers and would not see reason and was 'fee-fi-fo-fumd' and thrown in the van.

Then there was Aladdin.Unfortunately it wasn't his lamp he was rubbing when police turned up

Ok,we didn't have the Forty Thieves but there must have been approaching that number of simple drunken idiots.
One recurring theme with the officers who brought them in was the efforts made to tell them to be quiet and move on and avoid arrest.It started with'Ok move on,have a good night' to 'This is the 'F**k off pill' take it. And still they wouldn't take the hint.

And Sleeping Beauty.. that was me having had about 5 hours sleep in about 60 odd hours!

And so 2008 is here..not such a good start with incidents like in Lancashire and Swindon

Anyway to fellow Bloggers and those who take the time to dip into this blog(well at least 99.99 percent of them)Have a good, safe 2008. take care and in the words of the late,great Dave Allen 'may your God go with you'