Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Its got Form.

I have come to the conclusion that observations of the apparently insignificant,small,whirrings of the machine throws more light on its health than the big flashing lights on its front.

The Police service like any other 'arm' of Government has become gorged,to a point of obesity,with targets, monitoring and statistics.

Lip service is paid by politicians/senior officers when this issue periodically hits the headlines.The need to cut red tape,free front line staff from the burden of paperwork..mooting the creation of some form of Bureaucracy Tzar.

Actually what really happens, when the soundbites are forgotten, is ...approved by the Home office, ACPO. and the Police Federation....let me introduce... drum roll.. lights...the National Bureaucracy Awards Scheme.

This baby has the potential to cut huge swathes through the fields of bureaucracy like a possessed Combine Harvester....Bean counters in little offices will feel its mighty hand...faceless 'auditors' will quake in their...

Yeah ok...its only in its third year but,like anything else in an organisation like this, the thought is in there somewhere.

Its aim is to BEAT bureaucracy, SOLVE national problems.

And....if your idea wins, not only do you win the lifelong admiration of colleagues by unburdening them of the yoke of paperwork... you also get a FRAMED certificate!! and a cheque for £1000 to be sent to a charity of your choice.

With the Pot on the table raised so high I am working on my own 'Big Idea'.

The problem is that nearly every week when I check my E mails I find that someone, somewhere has introduced a new 'Pilot scheme' or compulsory E form covering our everyday activities.

The worst hit area seems to be the 'booking in' procedure. The number of boxes you now have to tick after bringing in your prisoner through the back door seems to get longer and longer.

In fact my 'Big idea' may be an introduction of another award..'Please let the Left hand know what the Right hand is doing Award'.. those coordinating policies efficiently without contradicting each other get the prize!

It has got to be in with a chance

My certificate could then be proudly displayed on the wall and I would send my cheque to the little known research group calling themselves LOB (an independent review of the more unusual reasons why the public call police and make reports)

I also now understand that we have an Anti-Bureaucracy Unit!

Though its rumoured that to get a response requires two Proformas and a confirmation Fax.

Sadly my 'hunches' on awards such as these do not seem to bear fruition.

In a previous post .. 'And the winner is'.. my favourite,Bromleys offering, did not even get into the top three!

This does not bode well for my long odds double, at around the same time, on Britney Spears becoming the face of Wella 2007 and Bernard Matthews and Jamie Oliver fronting a cable TV programme on Food preparation.


Blogger unlikely cop said...

I have a grand plan.
Get rid of all the computers.
This has a number of advantages.

We will be obliged to cut down the number of forms to a minimun which will save the trees. This allows the government and Chief Constables to crow about their environmental credentials whilst reducing the number of hours PCs spend behind desks.

In the end we will get down to about 3 forms and a pocket notebook entry for everything, this being the maximum that can be dealt with.

This will relieve the pressures on the courts with only relevant things being brought up. So either a reduction in numbers of courts or, with any luck, an increase in the number of cases put through.

The filing of great swathes of information will be impossible and so the production of such will have to be reduced to a trickle. This will mean less for the uniforms behind desks to do which will release them for duty on the streets. (Sorry guys)

Less bureaucracy will mean fewer Senior Officers so more money to employ PC's on the street.

You know,? I think I'm onto something here....

Next week, clogs versus Nike trainers

2:58 PM  
Blogger Officer Dibble said...

You had me reeled in, on the hook, with these ideas until you said

'Less bureaucracy will mean fewer Senior officers'

There will always be a niche for Senior officers.

They are on a higher ground to those in the flood plains of the bureaucracy 'wash'

and...er Clogs.. I know I am going nowhere fast.

3:25 PM  
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